DO MEN REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES

DO MEN REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES? 

 

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

 

She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

 

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

 

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

 

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'

 

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.

 

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

 

'Yes, I do' she replies.

 

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

 

'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

 

'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

 

The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

 

'I remember that too' she replies softly.

 

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...

 

'I would have been released today.'

Kids View about Marriage and Relationships

Kids View of Marriage and Relationships

 

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." Alan, age 10

 

"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." Kirsten, age 10

 

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
"Twentythree is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." Camille, age 10

 

"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married." Freddie, age 6

 

 

 

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." Eddie, 6

 

"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." Derrick, age 8

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
"Both don't want no more kids." Lori, age 8

 

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. Lynnette, age 8.

 

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." Martin, age 10

 

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." Craig, age 9

 

WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE?
"When they're rich." Pam, age 7

 

"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." Curt, age 7

 

"The rule goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do." Howard, age 8

 

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them." Anita, 9

 

"Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaperchanging." Kirsten, age 10

 

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
"There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?" Kelvin, age 8

 

"You can be sure of one thing  the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now." Roberta, age 7

 

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck." Ricky, age 10

 

 

 

Wrong Email Id - best humor

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room,
so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.

 

However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without
realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

 

 

Meanwhile....Somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned from her
husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting
condolence messages from relatives and friends.

 

After reading the first message, she fainted. The
widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and
saw the computer screen which read:

 

 

 

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date: 16 May 2004

 

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They gave computers here,
and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.

 

I've just reached and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

 

 

 
--
Thanks & Regards
Sunny

 

The widow fainted...

 

 

PERKS OF BEING OVER 50

 

1.  Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

 

2.  In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

 

3.  No one expects you to run--anywhere.

 

4. People call at 9pm and ask, " Did I wake you ????"

 

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

 

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

 

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

 

8. You can eat dinner at 4pm.

 

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

 

10. You get into heated  arguments about pension plans.

 

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

 

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in  no matter who walks  into the room.

 

13.  You sing along with elevator music.

 

14.  Your eyes won't get much worse.

 

15. Your investment in health insurance is  finally beginning to pay  off.

 

16. Your joints are more  accurate  meteorologists than the national weather service.

 

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

 

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

 

19.  You can't remember who sent you this list.

 

And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience. Forward this to every one you  can remember

 

 

Touching Grapics

 

I Need My Space

Working a Lot of Overtime: this enables them to meet their lover after work
 
Excessive Use of the Internet: a way for men to meet other women in chat rooms.
 
Hiding the Cell Phone Bill: the #1 way to find out who the lover is.

 

Saying, "It's Your Imagination": this is what is told to you when you're too close to the truth.
 
Receiving Hang Up Phone Calls: the paramour calling your house to speak with your mate, or the signal used when she's trying to get in touch with him.

 

No Longer Interested in Sex: saving their emotion for their lover.

 

No Longer Wearing Wedding Ring: a sign telling everyone "I am single."

 

New Sexual Techniques: what your spouse learned from their lover.

 

Saying "I Need My Space": when your spouse moves to the next stage of taking his/ her affair more seriously.

 

 

Romantic guy folded 1,000 pieces of papercranes

Once upon a time, there was once a guy who was very much in love with this girl.

This romantic guy folded 1,000 pieces of papercranes as a gift to his girl. Although, at that time he was just a small executive in his company, his future doesn't seemed too bright, they were very happy together. Until one day, his girl told him she was going to Paris and will never come back. She also told him that she cannot visualise any future for the both of them, so let's go their own ways there and then... Heartbroken, the guy agreed.

 

When he regained his confidence, he worked hard day and night, slogging his body and mind just to make something out of himself. Finally with all these hardwork and with the help of friends, this guy had set up his own company...

 

"You never fail until you stop trying." he always told himself. "I must make it in life!"

 

One rainy day, while this guy was driving, he saw an elderly couple sharing an umbrella in the rain walking to some destination. Even with the umbrella, they were still drenched. It didn't take him long to realise those were his ex-girlfriend's parents. With a heart in getting back at them, he drove slowly beside the couple, wanting them to spot him in his luxury sedan. He wanted them to know that he wasn't the same anymore, he had his own company, car, condo, etc. He had made it in life!

 

Before the guy can realise, the couple was walking towards a cemetary,and he got out of his car and followed them...and he saw his ex-girlfriend, a photograph of her smiling sweetly as ever at him from her tombstone... And he saw his precious papercranes in a bottle placed beside her tomb.

 

Her parents saw him. He walked over and asked them why this had happened. They explained, she did not leave for France at all. She was stricken ill with cancer. In her heart, she had believed that he will make it someday, but she did not want her illness to be his obstacle ... Therefore she had chosen to leave him.

 

She had wanted her parents to put his papercranes beside her, because, if the day comes when fate brings him to her again he can take some of those back with him. The guy just wept ...the worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them but knowing you can't have them and will never see them again.

 

 

20 Rules in any office

 

1. Rule 1. - The Boss is always right.

 

 

2. Rule 2. - If the Boss is wrong, see rule 1.

 

3. Those who work get more work. Others get pay, perks, and promotions.

 

4. Ph.D. stands for "Pull Him Down". The more intelligent a person, the more hardworking a person, the more committed a person; the more number of persons are engaged in pulling that person down.

 

5. If you are good, you will get all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

 

6.. When the Bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

 

7. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you are going to do.

 

8. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

 

9. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

 

10. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

 

11. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it...

 

12. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

 

13.. Following the rules will not get the job done.

 

14. If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

 

15. Everything can be filed under "Miscellaneous" .

 

16. No matter how much you do, you never do enough.

 

17. You can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work you are supposed to be doing.

 

18. In order to get a promotion, you need not necessarily know your job.

 

19. In order to get a promotion, you only need to pretend that you know your job.

 

20. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

confusing 3d art

 

Daughter write letter to Dad

A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-

Dear Dad,

 

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?

 

Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.

 

Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!

 

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

 

Your loving daughter,
Rosie.

 

 

At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO".

 

 

 

Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:

 

Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home.

 

I love you!

 

 

Your loving daughter,
Rosie

 

 

Have u done two of the most important things when you wake up today

Have u done two of the most important things when you wake up today?
1)Pray, so that u may live...
2)Take a bath-so that others may live too!

 

 

 

n ya...
Could u fax me ur photo very very urgently ? Mind u - it's really very very urgent, damn serious and very imp ......
I'm playing cards and we've misplaced the JOKER.

 

and u know what...
Good looks catch the eyes but Good Personality catches the heart, You are blessed with both!
FLATTERED???
Don't Be, it was sent to me, just wanted you to read it.

 

Do u know...???
To live a life, one needs brains, reflex, perception, looks, IQ, knowledge, way of expression & many more mental qualities. Hats off 2 u
coz u manage 2 live without them.

 

 

 

Once god came up 2 me & granted me a wish. I asked 4 "world peace".
That's impossible, he said. Then I asked him 2 give u brains.
He said "Let me try world peace"

 

 

 

From Mon to Sun, From Jan To Dec, From birth till my death, my feelings 4 u have never changed. For me, you've always been........... a headache

 

one thing more...
1 day u'll B srprisd 2C ME beside U. U & ME laughing, U & ME crying, U & ME dreaming, U & ME holding on, U & ME... just U & ME sitting in a MENTAL HOSPITAL & ME CHECKING U.

 

and of course last but not the least...
If u save this msg, it means I'm cute. If u edit this, I'm still cute.
If u fwd this, u r spreading that i'm cute & if u erase this, u r jealous of me coz i'm cute!

 

 

When I was meditating and meditating for years

When one Guru  was dying, one of his deciple asked him "Guruji, who was your master?"He said, "I had thousands of masters. If I just relate their names it will take months, years and it is too late. But three masters I will certainly tell you about.

One was a thief. Once I got lost in the desert, and when I reached a village it was very late, everything was closed. But at last I found one man who was trying to make a hole in t he wall of a house. I asked him where I could stay and he said 'At this time of night it will be difficult, but you can say with me - if you can stay with a thief'.And the man was so beautiful. I stayed for one month! And each night he would say to me, 'Now I am going to my work. You rest, you pray.' When he came back I would ask 'Could you get anything?' He would say, 'Not tonight. But tomorrow I will try again, God willing.' He was never in a state of hopelessness, he was always happy.

When I was meditating and meditating for years on end and nothing was happening, many times the moment came when I was so desperate, so hopeless,that I thought to stop all this nonsense. And suddenly I would remember the thief who would say every night, 'God willing, tomorrow it is going to happen.'

And my second master was a dog. I was going to the river, thirsty and a dog came. He was also thirsty. He looked into the river, he saw another dog there -- his own image -- and became afraid. He would bard and run away, but his thirst was so much that he would come back. Finally, despite his fear, he just jumped into the water, and the image disappeared. And I knew that a message had come to me from God: one has to jump in spite of all fears.

And the third master was a small child. I entered a town and a child was carrying a lit candle. He was going to the mosque to put the candle there.

'Just joking,' I asked the boy, 'Have you lit the candle yourself?' He said,

'Yes sir.' And I asked, 'There was a moment when the candle was unlit, then there was a moment when the candle was lit. Can you show me the source from which the light came?' And the boy laughed, blew out the candle, and said, 'Now you have seen the light going. Where has it gone? You will tell me!'

My ego was shattered, my whole knowledge was shattered. And that moment I felt my own stupidity. Since then I dropped all my knowledgeability.

It is true that I had no master. That does not mean that I was not a disciple

 

-- I accepted the whole existence as my master. My Disciplehood was a greater involvement than yours is. I trusted the clouds, the trees. I trusted existence as such. I had no master because I had millions of masters I learned from every possible source. To be a disciple is a must on the path. What does it mean to be a disciple? It means to be able to learn. To be available to learn to be vulnerable to existence. With a master you start learning to learn.

 

The master is a swimming pool where you can learn how to swim. Once you have learned, all the oceans are yours."

 

 

Puppies For Sale

A store owner was tacking a sign above his door that read: "Puppies For Sale". Signs like that have a way of attracting small children and sure enough, a little boy appeared under the store owner's sign.

 

"How much are you going to sell the puppies for?" he asked.

 

The store owner replied, "Anywhere from $30 to $50."

The little boy reached in his pocket and pulled out some change.

 

"I have $2.37," he said. "Can I please look at them?"

The store owner smiled and whistled and out of the kennel came Lady, who ran out in the aisle of his store followed by five teeny, tiny balls of fur. One puppy was lagging considerably behind.

 

Immediately the little boy singled out the lagging, limping puppy and said, "What's wrong with that little dog?"

 

The store owner explained that the veterinarian had examined the little puppy and had discovered it didn't have a hip socket. It would always be lame.

 

The little boy became excited. "That is the puppy that I want to buy."

The store owner said, "No, you don't want to buy that little dog. If you really want him, I'll just give him to you."

 

The little boy got quite upset. He looked straight into the store owner's eyes, pointing his finger, and said, "I don't want you to give him to me. That little dog is worth every bit as much as all the other dogs and I'll pay full price. In fact, I'll give you $2.37 now, and 50 cents a month until I have him paid for."

The store owner countered, "You really don't want to buy this little dog. He is never going to be able to run and jump and play with you like the other puppies."

 

To his surprise, the little boy reached down and rolled up his pant leg to reveal a badly twisted, crippled left leg supported by a big metal brace. He looked up at the store owner and softly replied, "Well, I don't run so well myself, and the little puppy will need someone who understands."

Don't we all need someone who understands?

 

 

Interesting facts women still like men

Interesting facts

 

Men are like computers – hard to figure out and never have enough memory Still Women likes man

 

Men are like coolers – load them with beer and you can take them anywhere Still Women likes man

 

Men are like chocolate bars – sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips Still Women likes man

 

Men are like coffee – the best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night Still Women likes man

 

Men are like horoscopes – they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong Still Women likes man

 

Men are like cement – after getting laid they take a long time to get hard Still Women likes man

 

Men are like laxatives – they irritate the shit out of you Still Women likes man

 

Men are like parking spots – the good ones are already taken and what's left is handicapped Still Women likes man

 

A man is like a snowstorm – you never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long he will last Still Women likes man

 

What should you give a man who has everything? – A woman to show him how to work it Still Women likes man

 

How does a man show he's planning for the future? – He buys two cases of beer instead of one. Still Women likes man

 

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? – The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. Still Women likes man

 

Why are husbands like lawn mowers? – They're hard to get started, emit foul odours and don't work half the time. Still Women likes man

 

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? – After a year the dog is still excited to see you. Still Women likes man

 

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? – Breasts don't have eyes. Still Women likes man

 

What's the difference between men and government bonds? – Bonds mature Still Women likes man

 

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? – We don't know, it's never happened Still Women likes man

 

Why are men like tile floors? – If you lay ' em properly the first time, you can walk over them for years. Still Women likes man

 

What do you call a man with half a brain? – Gifted. Still Women likes man

 

AND FINALLY …… Why is it hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? – Because these men already have boyfriends! Still Women likes man

 

 

a farmer owned land along the Atlantic seacoast

Years ago, a farmer owned land along the Atlantic seacoast.

 

He constantly advertised for hired hands. Most people were reluctant to work on farms along the Atlantic . They dreaded the awful storms that raged across the Atlantic , wreaking havoc on the buildings and crops.

 

As the farmer interviewed applicants for the job, he received A steady stream of refusals.

 

Finally, a short, thin man, well past middle age, approached the farmer. "Are you a good farm hand?" the farmer asked him. "Well, I can sleep when the wind blows," answered the little man.

 

Although puzzled by this answer, the farmer, desperate for help, Hired him. The little man worked well around the farm, busy from dawn to dusk,  and the farmer felt satisfied with the man's work.

 

Then one night the wind howled loudly in from offshore. Jumping out of bed, the farmer grabbed a lantern and rushed next door to the hired hand's sleeping quarters. He shook the little man and yelled, "Get up!  A storm is coming! Tie things down before they blow away!"

 

The little man rolled over in bed and said firmly, "No sir. I told you, I can sleep when the wind blows."

 

Enraged by the response, the farmer was tempted to fire him on the spot. Instead, he hurried outside to prepare for the storm.

 

To his amazement, he discovered that all of the haystacks had been covered with tarpaulins. The cows were in the barn, the chickens were in the coops, and the doors were barred.

 

The shutters were tightly secured.  Everything was tied down.

 

Nothing could blow away. The farmer then understood what his hired hand meant, so he returned to his bed to also sleep while the wind blew.

 

******
 
When you're prepared, spiritually, mentally, and physically, you have nothing to fear. Can you sleep when the wind blows through your life?

 

 

greeting cards very funny humor

1. I always wanted to have someone, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

 

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

 

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me ..

 

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

 

5. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

 

6. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

 

7. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

 

8. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday...
(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.

 

9. Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can't help but wonder.....
(Inside card) - What the hell was I thinking

 

10. I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

 

11. Thank you for being part of my life.....
(Inside card) - I never knew what evil was until I met you!

 

12. Congratulations on your wedding day!
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.

 

13. How can I say this....
(Inside card) - Your cooking kills me

 

14. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened...
(Inside card) - Especially since you survived.

 

15. Congrats on getting married...
(Inside card) - It's not everyday you decide to ruin your life.

 

16. Someday I hope to marry...
(inside card) - Someone other than you.

 

17. We have been friends for a very long time...
(inside card) - What do you say we stop?

 

 

little bird who decided to rebel against tradition

There was once a little bird who decided to rebel against tradition, and when it came time to fly south for the winter, he decided to stay behind. All the other birds flew south for the warmer weather, leaving the rebellious one alone.
 
Of course, it wasn't long before the little bird discovered he had made a terrible mistake. Winter set in and it became very cold. So, he decided that he had better take off and fly south like his friends.
 
He started flying, but didn't get very far before the cold north wind began to freeze his wings, and he went plummeting down, down, down ... He fell straight down from the sky, through an open hole in the rooftop of a nearby barn, and directly into a fresh pile of cow dung.
 
Well, the warmth thawed out his wings, and soon he was feeling fine again. But, as his little head popped out from the smelly dung, along came a cat who plucked him up and ate him.
 
Moral : Whenever you end up in a pile of DoDo it may not necessarily be a bad thing, and everyone that comes to pull you out of your DoDo may not necessarily be a good thing.

 

 

how people propose over internet

will u be my frinedship with me? plz?????? (ya sure)

 

im all alone and in need of frinedship and friends. (ill gladly be ur friend if only you wud improve ur english)

 

helelo i want friesship with u. (that reminds me of kkkkkiran)

 

i want to be closed friend with u. (when were we open?)

 

i want 2 b frands with you. (yup frands)

 

i want to be close friendship with u. (then be. cuz im closed for you)

 

please reply me to me weather we r frinds or not? (then you reply to urself dear me to me)

 

behtarin....love...... can v b plas? (r we gonna fix a car? or screw some nuts?)

 

itne mast mails kahaan se laati ho love? can there be friends between us?and if frinedship is accepted. then.....
okkkk thunks. thunk u so muck that u become my freind!!!!!!!!!!!!!! .................do u have an a a/c in orkat?????????
if u have plz sand me u r link.
(notice the space between u and r. it completely changes the meaning of the sentence. the sentence now becomes "if u have plz sand me you are link")

 

 

there were two screws fastening a vital part of a gasoline engine

Once upon a time there were two screws fastening a vital part of a gasoline engine. One of the screws was haughty and proud of it's shining head. The second screw was quiet, intent only on doing its job to the best of its ability.

 

 

One day a speck of rust appeared on the head of the second screw. Filled with vain pride of its own beauty, the first screw began to laugh at the second. "Your head is tarnished," the first said to the second. "Look at you. Your perfect luster is gone."

 

 

The second screw said nothing. Instead, it concentrated on what it was doing. "How ugly you have become," the first screw chortled, "and how beautiful I have remained." Then it began to laugh so hard at the second screw that it failed to notice that it was working itself loose. Finally it dropped off the engine and plunged into a small pool of dirty oil below.

 

 

With the first screw no longer holding up its end of the load, the second was faced with doing the work of two. Meanwhile the first screw, now covered with grimy oil, wailed and lamented. "Just look at me! I'm dirty and filthy and all my beauty is gone. By laughing at the blemish on my friend the second screw, I worked myself loose and fell into the muck. Now I'm doomed."

 

 

Now, it just so happened that a short time later the owner of the engine started it up. He immediately noticed that something didn't sound right -- the engine was running rough. When he checked, he instantly saw that one of the two screws holding the vital part was missing. "Ah ha!" the owner said. "One of the screws must have worked itself loose and fell to the ground, but I don't see it. Maybe it fell into that puddle of old oil."

 

 

The owner reached into the oil and found the missing screw. "Look at you," the owner said. "You're all covered with grime and oil. How ugly you are. But I will fix that right away." The owner reached for a nearby rag and wiped all the oil and grime off the first screw until it shone even brighter than before. Then he replaced it on the part. Before he turned away, he noticed a little speck of tarnish on the head of the second screw. With the second rag, he wiped the head clean and bright. Then the owner walked away.

 

 

Finally the engine was started. The two screws, now equally beautiful, held the part tight. "Forgive me, my friend," the first screw said to the second. "In my vanity, I was so busy laughing at your blemish that I did not notice that I was working myself loose."

 

 

"And what have you learned?" the second screw quietly asked.
"I learned not to judge others because I have my own sins to deal with."
"Then," the second screw said, "I forgive you."

 

 

"Thank you, my friend. And rest assured, my vanity will remain forever at the bottom of that dirty puddle of oil."

 

 

 

 

what happen if titanic developed in india

If the Titanic was made in India:

 

1) There would be 10 times as many people on the ship

 

2) There would be a song with Kate Winslet in a white saree and of course singing in the rain

 

3) The movie would be called "Pyar Kiya To Marna Kya"

 

4) Hero and Heroine would float in cold water for days and still survive, but the villian would die on the first dip

 

5) The iceberg would be sent by the heroine's father to teach the hero a lesson

 

6) None of the women would float due to heavy designer sarees.

 

And last but not least

 

7) Half of the rescue boats would be reserved for SC/ST/OBC

 

 

 

A letter signed with Love from God

She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room.  She said:  "How is my little boy ?  Is he going to be all right ?  When can I see him ?"

 

The surgeon said, "I'm sorry.  We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it."

 

Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer ?  Doesn't God care any more ?  Where were you, God, when my son needed you ?"

 

The surgeon asked, "Would you like some time alone with your son ?  One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university."

 

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son.  She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair.  "Would you like a lock of his hair ?" the nurse asked.

 

Sally nodded yes.  The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.

 

The mother said, "It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study.  He said it might help somebody else.  "I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die.  Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom."  She went on, "My Jimmy had a heart of gold.  Always thinking of someone else.  Always wanting to help others if he could."

 

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there.  She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.

 

The drive home was difficult.  It was even harder to enter the empty house.  She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.

 

She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them.  She laid down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

 

It was around midnight when Sally awoke.  Laying beside her on the bed was a folded letter.  The letter said :

 

"Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me;  but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say "I Love You" .  I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again.  Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. 

 

He can have my room and old stuff to play with.  But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do.  You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know.  Don't be sad thinking about me.  This really is a neat place.  Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. 

 

The angels are so cool.  I love to watch them fly.  And, you know what?  Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures.  Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him.  Jesus himself took me to see GOD !  And guess what, Mom ?  I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important.  That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. 

 

But I already knew that wasn't allowed.  Well, you know what Mom ?  God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter.  I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you.  God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He when I needed him ?'  "God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross.  He was right there, as He always is with all His children.  Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you.  To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper.  Isn't that cool ?  I have to give God His pen back now. He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. 

 

Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper.  I'm sure the food will be great.

 

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you.  I don't hurt anymore.  The cancer is all gone.  I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either.  That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me.  The Angel said I was a Special Delivery !  How about that ?

 

Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.

 

 

Never miss a good chance to shut up

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

 

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

 

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

 

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

 

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

 

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

 

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

 

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

 

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

 

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

 

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

 

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

 

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

 

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

 

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

 

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

 

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

 

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

 

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

 

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

 

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

 

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

 

 

god created man

GOD created the DONKEY and told him, 'You will work tireless from sunrise up to sunset, carrying heavy bags on your back, you will eat grass. You will not have intelligence and you will live 50 years. You will be a DONKEY!'

 

 

 

The DONKEY answered, 'I will be a DONKEY, but living 50 years is too much, give me only 20 years!' and GOD gave him 20 years.

 

 

 

GOD created DOG and told him ' You will look after man's house, you will be his best friend, you will eat whatever they give you and you will live 25years, You will be a DOG!'

 

 

 

The DOG answered 'GOD, living 25 years is too much, give only 10 years!' and GOD gave him 10 years.

 

 

 

GOD created the MONKEY and told him, 'you will jump from branch to branch you will do silly things, you will be amusing and you will live 20 years, you will be a MONKEY!'

 

 

 

The MONKEY answered ' GOD, living 20 years is too much , give me only 10 years!' and GOD gave him 10 years.

 

 

 

Finally,

 

 

 

GOD created MAN and told him, 'you will be a MAN the only rational being on this earth and you will use your intelligence to control other animals, you will dominate the world and you will live for 20 years.

 

 

 

The MAN answered, GOD I will be a man but living 20 years is not enough, why don't you give me the 30 years that the DONKEY refused, the 15 years that the DOG didn't want and the 10 years that the MONKEY refused ?'

 

 

 

That was exactly what GOD did, and since then:

 

 

 

MAN lives 20 years like a MAN, then he gets married and spends 30 years like a DONKEY, working and carrying the load on his back. Then, when his children leave he spends 15 years like DOG looking after the house and eating whatever is given to him. Then he gets old, retires and spends 10 years like a MONKEY, jumping from house to house or from children to children, doing silly things to amuse his grandchildren!

 

 

 

 

golden songbird that lived in a beautiful garden

Once upon a time there was a golden songbird that lived in a beautiful garden. It spent all its days singing the loveliest songs to the honour of its maker and the delight of all the people who heard it.

 

 

But the keeper of the garden, who was a foolish and greedy man, coveted the little songster, and one day he made a cunning net in which he snared it. The little bird begged the man to release him and promised to tell him three great secrets if only he would let him go. Now the gardener really was a very greedy man and rubbing his hands together, he eagerly released the bird.

 

 

Then the songbird told him it's three great secrets:Never believe all that you hear; Never regret what you have never lost, and never throw away that which you have in your keeping.

 

 

The gardener was furious when he heard this and said he had known these so-called 'secrets' since he was a little child and shouted that the bird had tricked him. But the songbird quietly replied that if the man had really known these three secrets, or only the last of them, he would never have let him go.

 

 

Then the bird added:"I have a most precious jewel weighing over three ounces hidden inside me and whoever possesses that marvellous stone will have every wish granted."

 

 

On hearing this, the keeper roared like a lion and cursed himself for setting the songster free. But the little bird only added fuel to his rage by explaining that since he weighed no more than half an ounce at most, as anyone with eyes could plainly see, how was it possible that a gem weighing more than three ounces could be hidden within it's tiny body?

 

 

At that the man tore his hair and lunged at the bird in a towering rage, but the little songbird flew to a nearby branch and added sweetly:"Since you never had the jewel in your hands you are already regretting what you never lost, and believing what I told you, you threw it away by setting me free."

 

 

Then the little songbird told the man to study well these three great secrets and so become as wise as the bird himself!

 

 

The Love Teachings of Kama Sutra translated best humor

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