What is Love Lust & Marriage

Love Lust & Marriage


LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST- when your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - When you try to lose your spouse in a crowded room.

LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love."
LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing."
MARRIAGE - When intercourse is a town in Pennsylvania. There really is one.

LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have.
LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot?
MARRIAGE - When you argue over whose idea it was to have kids.

LOVE - When you share everything you own.
LUST - When you steal everything they own.
MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.

LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE - When . . . Uh . . . what's a climax?

LOVE - When you phone each other just to say, "Hi."
LUST - When you phone each other to pick a hotel room.
MARRIAGE - When you phone each other to ***** about work.

LOVE - When you write poems about your partner.
LUST - When all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE - When all you write is checks.

LOVE - When your only concern is for your partner's feelings.
LUST - When your only concern is to find a room with mirrors all-round.
MARRIAGE - When you're only concern is what's on T.V.

LOVE - When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST - When you only see each other naked.
MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake.

LOVE - When your heart flutters every time you see them.
LUST - When your groin twitches every time you see them.
MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties every time you see them.

LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it.
MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio.

LOVE - When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST - When staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE - When just getting through the day is your only thought.

LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.
LUST - When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.
MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score.

LOVE - When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and talk.
LUST - When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and have sex.
MARRIAGE - When a rainy day means it's time to clean the basement.

LOVE - You only leave the house to buy coffee and doughnuts.
LUST - You only leave the house to buy condoms and Vaseline.
MARRIAGE - You only leave the house when you're allowed.

So Windows is not a virus

Is Windows a Virus
No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.

4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.

5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus.
 

What did Buddha emphasize here

Once Buddha was walking from one town to another town
with a few of his followers. This was in the initial days. While they
were traveling, they happened to pass a lake. They stopped there and
Buddha told one of his disciples, "I am thirsty. Do get me some water
from that lake there."

The disciple walked up to the lake. When he reached
it, he noticed that right at that moment, a bullock cart started crossing
through the lake. As a result, the water became very muddy, very turbid.
The disciple thought, "How can I give this muddy water to Buddha
to drink!" 

So he came back and told Buddha, "The water in there
is very muddy. I don't think it is fit to drink." After about half an
hour, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back to the lake and get him
some water to drink. The disciple obediently went back to the lake. 

This time too he found that the lake was muddy. He
returned and informed Buddha about the same. After sometime, again Buddha asked
the same disciple to go back. 

The disciple reached the lake to find the lake
absolutely clean and clear with pure water in it. The mud had settled down
and the water above it looked fit to be had. So he collected some water in
a pot and brought it to Buddha.

Buddha
looked at the water, and then he looked up at the disciple and said," See
what you did to make the water clean. You let it be…. and the mud settled
down on its own – and you got clear water. 


Your mind is also like that! When it is
disturbed, just let it be. Give it a little time. It will settle down on its
own. You don't have to put in any effort to calm it down. It will happen.
It is effortless."

What did Buddha emphasize here? He said, "It is
effortless." Having 'Peace of Mind' is not a strenuous job; it is an
effortless process!

In life everything goes on................Keep Going.

Have a peaceful Life!

Where's my Rolex

 

Pravesh Patel parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it
off to his colleagues.

As he's getting out of the car, a truck comes speeding along too close to
the kerb and takes off the door before speeding off.

More than a little distraught, the Indian grabs his mobile and calls the
police.

Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to
ask any questions, the Indian starts screaming
hysterically:

'My Porsche, my beautiful black Porsche is ruined. No matter how long at the
panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!'

After the Indian finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in
disgust: 'I can't believe how materialistic you bloody
Indians are,' he says. 'You lot are so focused on your possessions that you
don't notice anything else in your life.'

'How can you say such a thing at a time like this?', snaps the Indian.

The policeman replies, 'Didn't you realize that your right arm was torn off
when the truck hit you.'

The Indian looks down in absolute horror BLOODY HELL!!!!!!' he
screams........
    

'Where's my Rolex ????...'

Became a hat-seller-The competition is not static

It's an old story that we read in Class 3 but with a new ending.

A hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap under
one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he woke up and realized that all his hats were gone. He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and
they had taken all his hats.

The hat seller sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down.
While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next moment, the
monkeys were doing the same. Next, he took down his own hat, the monkeys did exactly the same. An idea came to his mind* He took his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that too. So he finally managed to get all his hats back.

Fifty years later, his grandson, Sukhwinder, also became a hat-seller
and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather. One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest. It was very hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor.

He woke up and realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on the tree.

He remembered his grandfather's words, started scratching his head and the monkeys followed. He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of his grandfather's idea, Sukhwinder threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still held on to all the hats.

Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor,
gave him a slap and said, "You think only you have a grandfather !!!???"

Moral: The competition is not static!

A married couple Celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary

A married couple in their early 60s was
celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little
restaurant.

 

 

 

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared
on their table.

 

 

 

She said, 'For being such an exemplary married
couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will
grant you each a wish.

 

 

 

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel
around the world with my darling husband.'

 

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! -
two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

 

 

 

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this
is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come
again.

 

 

 

I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a
wife 30 years younger than me.'

 

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply
disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

 

So the fairy waved her magic wand and
poof!..the husband became 92 years old.

 

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful
should remember.... fairies are female too.

7 reasons why wife must know about finances

7 reasons why wife must know about finances

Are you the person in the family with the sole responsibility of maintaining the household finances? Is your spouse completely oblivious of what's happening?
God forbid, but what if for some reason you can no longer manage the budget? Or what if you're just tired of managing everything yourself, and want your partner to become more involved in your household's finances? How do you teach her everything you know?
This is the time to sit down and stress on the importance of your partner needing to be aware of all important financial information. This may not be the most entertaining of activities, but it is the key to taking the best possible care of one of the most important people in your life.

1. Make a list of everything and where they are located
While you may be an open book for each other, don't assume your other half possesses the intuition to know where you keep sensitive information.
While you may think your filing system is the most organized one that one can ever come across, and that your financial records are in a pretty obvious location, your partner may not think so.
So what is the first thing you should do? Present your partner with a list of logins, passwords of all of your accounts making it easy to see everything that needs to be addressed. Keep it of course in a safe and secure location.

2. Discuss transparency regarding investment info, emergency funds and bank accounts
Your partner may be under the false impression that not knowing the details of your family finances will reduce stress.
That's not the case. Explain to him/her that sharing knowledge and responsibility for your financial life reduces stress as it makes you ready for any situation that may arise when one is unable to operate.
In times of emergency like a long absence or medical emergency or death - this info then becomes the most important thing.

3. Awareness of all financial dealings is a must
Your partner should know all your financial dealings so that there are no rude surprises. So sit down and review your financial situation together - cash in the bank, investments, equity in your home, mortgages, credit card debt, and any other liabilities you may have. Review your budget together.
Being aware of all financial dealings has a couple of benefits. First, you make better decisions when you collaborate.
Second, you share responsibility for the outcomes -- good and bad -- which means that he/she is never in the dark about where you stand. And this eliminates a lot of the tension that inevitably results when one party knows a lot less than the other.

4. Have your partner watch you handle the finances
Educate your partner on how to handle finances. Let him or her watch and learn.
Explaining things is helpful, and written instructions/checklists/spreadsheets are even better, but nothing beats sitting down with your partner and talking through actually managing the finances.
Let your partner observe the process while you explain it, and then have him or her practice it with your help and guidance.

5. Gradually give your partner some financial responsibility
If your partner hasn't handled the money at all, start off with a small, manageable task - preferably one with low stakes. As he or she becomes more adept, give additional tasks to manage.
Eventually, have your partner handle all the finances for one month (with your supervision, of course). Then, try switching off months, with your partner handling the finances every other month until you both feel completely comfortable.

6. Discuss contingency plans
Make sure your partner knows what you would do in an emergency or unplanned financial event. Don't keep it conceptual - discuss actual, concrete strategies to handle unplanned events.
If there is a sudden loss of income, which bills would need to be prioritized, and which expenses could be reduced or dropped altogether? What are your savings priorities? If there is an accident which account do you access before you get benefits from your insurance? Is there any charity to which you would donate a significant sum?
On a lighter note, if you win a lottery (the ticket of which you have just bought with his/ her consent) which debts do you clear?

7. Maintain a household budget
You may not be the type who needs to write everything down to successfully manage your money, but a budget is an excellent way to give your partner a big-picture idea of all the money in play - the income, the debts, the recurring expenses, the investments and so on.
It can also help your partner pick up where you left off in managing the household's finances if you die or become incapacitated.
So, start encouraging him/her to start making a budget plan. Soon you will find that both of you are enjoying it and life is becoming a real partnership.

shudh Hindi meanings

CRICKET : Gol guttam lakad battam de danadan pratiyogita

 

CRICKET TEST MATCH : Pakad dandu, maar mandu, de danaadan pratiyogita

 

TABLE TENNIS : Lakdi ke phalak shetra pe Le takaatak de takaatak

 

LAWN TENNIS : Harit Ghaas par Le tada tad, de tada tad

 

LIGHT BULB : Vidyut Prakashak Kanch golak

 

TIE : Kanth Langoti

 

MATCH BOX : Ragdampatti Agni Utpaadan Peti

 

TRAFFIC SIGNAL : Aavat Jaavat Suchak Jhandaa

 

TEA : Dugdh Jal Mishrit Sharkara Yukt Parvatiya(pahaadi) Booti

 

TRAIN : Sahasra Chakra Louh Path Gaamini

 

ALL ROUTE PASS : Yatr Tatr Sarvatr Gaman Aagya Patr

 

RAILWAY SIGNAL : Loh Path Gamini Suchak Yantra

 

RAILWAY SIGNAL : Agni Rath Aava Gaman Soochak Pattika

 

RAILWAY SIGNAL : Louh path gaamini aawagaman suchak yantra

 

RAILWAY STATION : Bhabhka Adda

 

BUTTON : Ast Vyast Vastra Niyantrak

 

MOSQUITO : Gunjanhaari Manav Rakt Pipasu Jeev

 

CIGERETTE : Shweta patra mandit dhumra shalakha

Very Nice communication

Two deaf people get married and during the first
week of marriage they find that they are unable to
communicate in the bedroom with the lights out since
they can't see each other signing, or lips to lip-read.

After several nights of fumbling around and many
misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution.

She writes, "Honey, why don't we agree on some
simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to
have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left
breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach
over and squeeze my right breast two times."

The husband thinks this is a great idea. He writes
back to his wife if she wants to have sex with him,
reach over and pull on his penis one time.
If she doesn 't want to have sex, pull on his penis
two hundred and fifty times.

Secret Love Story

A Long Journey With Love
 
We first met at the school

 
We were very good in studies
 

 
We became very good friends in our teenage
 

 
When we were young, we didn't have much time to meet...
 
 
 
When time passes, we realized that we love each other
 

 
"We" became "US"...
 

 
Yes, it's a girl we had
 

 
She made our lives a heaven
 

 
She can't live alone you see!
 

 
So, she had many brothers & sisters...
 

 
But we still love each other...
 

 
Love makes the world a paradise
It doesn't matter how old we are.
Love is the link between every age
which keeps this world's peace.
So, love every day
every hour
every minute
every second.

 
 

Men Vs Women Good Humor

MEN
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they still have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
 

WOMEN
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully..
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag".

6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.

 

HANDBOOK 2009 FOR YOU

Health:

 

1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a
beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that
is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer.
6. Play more games.
7. Read more books than you did in 2008.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.

 

Personality:

 

11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their
journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead
invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her
mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems
are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra
class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

 

Society:

 

25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends
will. Stay in touch.

 

Life:

 

32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

 

 

CLASSIC GOLF QUOTES

 1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing   with him across a desk.
     Grantland Rice
          
 2. Golf appeals to the idiot and the child in us. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
           John Updike
          
 3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
           Robert Lynd
          
 4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
           Horace G. Hutchinson
          
 5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them.  Golf is more complicated than that.
          Gardner Dickinson
          
 6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club,they'd starve to death.
           Sam Snead
          
 7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
           William Wordsworth
          
 8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
           Dean Martin
          
 9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.
           Tommy Bolt
          
 10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.
           Bishop Sheen
          
 11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.
          Arnold Palmer
          
 12. My handicap? Woods and irons.
           Chris Codiroli
          
 13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a  flag stick on top.
           Pete Dye
          
 14. I'm hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them!
           Buddy Hackett
          
 15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.
           Billy Graham
          
 16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
           Jack Lemmon
          
 17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
           Mark Twain
          
 18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
           Harry Vardon
          
 19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.
           Jimmy DeMaret
          
 20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.
           Ben Hogan
          
 21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook..  If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.
           All Us Hackers
          
 22. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
           George Deukmejian
          
 And Finally
          
23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes  out of a bagpipe.

 

 

12 gifts of birth

At the wondrous moment you were born, as you took your first breath, a great celebration was held in the heavens, and twelve magnificent gifts were granted to you by the angels...... ...

 

The first gift is Strength.... ... may you remember to call upon it when you need it

 

The second gift is Beauty .......May your deeds reflect its depth

 

The third gift is Courage..... . may you speak and act with confidence and use courage to follow your own path.

 

The fourth gift is Compassion ........May you be gentle with yourself and others. May you forgive those who hurt you, and yourself when you make mistakes.

 

The fifth gift is Hope ..... Through each passage and season, may you trust the goodness of life.

 

The sixth gift is Joy ....... May it keep your heart open and filled with light.

 

The seventh gift is Talent ...... May you discover your own special abilities and contribute them toward a better world.

 

The eighth gift is Imagination ...... May it nourish your visions and dreams.

 

The ninth gift is Reverence ..... May you appreciate the wonder that you are and the miracle of all creation.

 

The tenth gift is Wisdom...... . Guiding your way, wisdom will lead you through knowledge to Understanding. May you hear its soft voice.

 

The eleventh gift is Love ........It will grow each time you give it away.

 

The twelfth gift is Faith ........ May you believe.

MINDBLOWING THOUGHT PROCESS

MINDBLOWING THOUGHT PROCESS!!!

 

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York CityGarden(?), $250k annual income is not enough.

 

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

 

Ms. Pretty

 

Awesome reply:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

 

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.

 

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

 

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me...

 

signed,

 

 

English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German known as 'Euro-English'

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

 

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'.. 
  
 

 

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. 
  
    
  
 
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. 
  
 

 

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

 

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. 
  
 

 

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.
 
 
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. 

 

 

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. 
  

 

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

 

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl

Value of parents...nice Story

*An 80 year old man was sitting on the sofa in his house along with his 45
years old highly educated son. Suddenly a crow perched on their window.
The Father asked his Son, "What is this?"

 

The Son replied "It is a crow".

 

After a few minutes, the Father asked his Son the 2nd time, "What is this?"
The Son said "Father, I have just now told you "It's a crow". After a little
while, the old Father again asked his Son the 3rd time, What is this?"

 

At this time some ex-pression of irritation was felt in the Son's tone when
he said to his Father with a rebuff. "It's a crow, a crow". A little after,
the Father again asked his Son t he 4th time, "What is this?"

 

This time the Son shouted at his Father, "Why do you keep asking me the same
question again and again, although I have told you so many times 'IT IS A
CROW'. Are you not able to understand this?" A little later the Father went
to his room and came back with an
old tattered diary, which he had maintained since his Son was born. On
opening a page, he asked his Son to read that page.

 

When the son read it, the following words were written in the diary :-
"Today my little son aged three was sitting with me on the sofa, when a crow
was sitting on the window. My Son asked me 23 times what it was, and I
replied to him all 23 times that it was a Crow. I hugged him lovingly each
time h e asked me the same question again and again for 23 times. I did not
at all feel irritated I rather felt affection for my innocent child".
While the little child asked him 23 times "What is this", the Father had
felt no irritation in replying to the same question all 23 times and when
today the Father asked his Son the same question just 4 times, the Son felt
irritated and annoyed.

 

So..
If your parents attain old age, do not repulse them or look at them as a
burden, but speak to them a gracious word, be cool, obedient, humble and
kind to them. Be considerate to your parents. From today say this aloud, "I
want to see my parents happy forever. They have cared for me ever since I
was a little child. They have always showered their selfless love on me.

A collection of men's thoughts on their women

I Love Her, But...

 

*[A collection of men's thoughts on their women.]*

 

.*.. she has an uncanny way of standing between me and the television
screen. Bases loaded, two strikes, three balls. The crowd goes wild, the
pitch flies...!!!! and all I can see is her butt. --Howard, Dodge City, Kan.
*

 

*

 

... she was furious when I got up early once and made her breakfast.
Called me controlling. How dare I decide that she would eat breakfast,
let alone what she'd have? --Ted, Wexford, Pa.

 

*

 

*
*

 

... what's mine is hers. I buy her negligees; she sleeps in my T-shirts.
When she's cold she wears my wool socks to bed, never her own. She
steals my half-used razors; new ones are too sharp. She even wears my
boxers. I'm tempted to switch to briefs just to see what she'd do.
--Dave, Martha's Vineyard, Mass.

 

*

 

... she makes lists. Things to buy. Things to do. People to call. If
it's not on the list, it doesn't get done. Once, to be funny, I put
"sex" on the list. Mistake. Now it has to be on the list, or it doesn't
get done. --Nick, Wheeling, W.Va.

 

. you can hear her eat soup from the next room.
--Bruce, Bridgewater, N.J.

 

*

 

*

 

... when she gets an idea in her head, there's no stopping her. And no
rest for anyone until it's done. It's not so bad when the idea is to
bake cookies, or even to go on vacation. But when it's to build a new
house, or to get pregnant, things get pretty intense. --Jim, Minneapolis

 

*

 

*

 

... my wife thinks everyone should be a vegetarian. During meals, she
asks people how they can eat dead cows, or if they know that their pork
chops used to be smarter than their dogs. --Miles, Shreveport, La.

 

*

 

*

 

... every so often boom! she's a brunette. Or I come home to a redhead.
Actually, I have no idea what her natural color is. --Cary, Seattle

 

*

 

*

 

... she'll brush her teeth but she won't go to the dentist. She says
she's not afraid of the pain, she just doesn't want to put herself in
the hands of any fellow who'd choose to be a dentist. --Terence, Gary,
Ind.

 

*

 

*

 

... she's stopped shaving her legs. She says that now people will know
she's a natural blonde. --Ned, Tucson, Ariz.

 

. she takes her half of the bed out of the middle.
-Robin, Gladwyne, Pa.

 

*

 

*

 

... have you ever seen a woman with green crust and slime smeared over
her face, dark holes for her nostrils? Do you think you'd be able to
sleep at night, knowing that creature is next to you? --Arthur, Cedar
City, Utah

 

*

 

*

 

... after sex, I mean the second after, she continues where she left
off. Her eyes open and before you can breathe, you hear, " ... and, oh,
yeah, I have to defrost the chicken, and your mother wants you to pick
up her dry cleaning ..." --Jimmy, Fort Lauderdale, Fla.

 

. in bed I'm her high school teacher, captain of the football team,
her boss, the bad boy, a waiter, a lifeguard, a telephone repairman, a
cop. Once in a while I'd like to be me. --Neil, Orlando, Fla.

 

*

 

*

 

... she wears these false eyelashes. She left 'em lying around and I
slammed 'em with my newspaper, tried to kill the damn things. Scared me
half to death. --Gordon, Oklahoma City, Okla.

 

*

 

*

 

... counting my wife and our teenage girls, that's four women.
Somebody's always got PMS. --Everett, Little Rock, Ark.

 

 

A BOTTLE OF WINE----A TOUCHING STORY

 

ALL WOMEN WILL ADORE THE BOTTLE OF WINE

 

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish
you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see
a bottle of wine:
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona
when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.As the
trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo
woman if she would like a ride.With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got
into the car.Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of
small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking
intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she
noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.'What in bag?' asked the old
woman .Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine.
I got it for my husband.'The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or
two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:'Good
trade.....

 

--
Always make your absence felt in such a way that somebody misses you, but
don't let your absence be so long that somebody starts learning to live
without you.

 

Life is a one way journey, not a destination. Travel it with a smile and
never regret anything.

 

Treat the earth well.....it was not given to you by your parents, it was
loaned to you by your children. We do not inherit the earth from our
ANCESTORS, we borrow it from our children.

 

Ability is what you're capable of. Motivation determines what you do.
Attitude determines how well you do it.

Making Valentine's Day (or any Day) Special....

Valentine's day can bring up a myriad of emotions which can
either bring couples closer for a short period of time or create
feelings of loneliness and separation for other couples or singles.

 

So how can you deal with a holiday like this and actually enjoy
yourself, whether you are in a "relationship" or not?

 

Here are 12 suggestions to make your relationships better--
no matter what day it is from out "Red Hot Love Relationships"
book...

 

1) Don't Forget Kindness and Thoughtfulness

 

We all get in a rush sometimes and forget to be kind. We just want
to get the things done that we have to get done and move along to
the next thing to be done. Whether you are currently in an intimate
relationship or not--take a moment to be kind to the people in your
life. Kindness certainly doesn't have to mean "doing" for someone
(but it can.) It can mean just giving a smile, sending a kind, loving
thought, or simply listening to a story that you may have heard
many times before.

 

2) Don't Forget Appreciation

 

So often we find ourselves dwelling on what irritates us about the
people in our lives and we forget to appreciate the things about
our relationships that are working. Appreciation only works when
you want nothing in return. If there are "strings" along with your
appreciation of another person, (like you want appreciation in
return) it will seem like an empty, needy gesture. Appreciation
has to be expressed from your heart and in such a way that is
genuine.

 

3) Listen Closely to What Your Partner Wants

 

Whether it's to make plans for a Valentine's day celebration or
just listening to how your partner's day went--leave your ego
and your desire to help or "fix it" for him or her at the door and
just listen. We all get into habits that stifle communication--that
shut off a true connection of the heart. To open up and bring
more joy and ease into your relationship, take a moment to
realize what you do to assume, to fix or to judge (even though
you may not think you are doing those things) and just listen
to understand your partner.

 

4) Listen Closely to What You Want

 

Listening closely to what you want can be even harder than
learning to listen to your partner. So many people have learned
along the way that it's not safe to feel emotions--and they
simply don't know how to listen to what they want. You have to
practice listening to the voice inside you so that you can be
honest and authentic with the people in your life. You have
to learn who you are and honor that by letting others know
who the real "you" is.

 

5) If It's an Intimate Relationship, Don't Forget Time Alone

 

In our busy lives, we often forget to recharge by spending
some time alone. Whether it's taking a walk outside by
yourself and enjoying nature or it's taking 20 minutes to
meditate or tune in and calm your thoughts--we've found
that we are much better people and treat each other more
lovingly if we take time for ourselves.

 

6) Don't Forget to Breathe

 

It may seem kind of silly to remind you to not forget to
breathe, but so many of us actually live in the land of
anxious, shallow breathing. Belly breathing can relax
you, help you to clear your mind and keep you in the
present moment. What's that got to do with creating
great relationships? When we are relaxed, we listen
better to others and we don't react quite so quickly
from old patterns. We are able to access a fresh
point of view when we breathe that can promote
more understand and closer connections.

 

7) Don't Forget the "Show"

 

What's the "show"? The show is what we do to
show the other person that he/she is special in
our lives. It can be a greeting card, a present or
creating a special night or weekend away. It
can be elaborate or it can be simple--whatever
the two of you prefer. The main thing is that you
"show" the other person how special they are to you.

 

8) Don't Forget Discernment

 

The media likes to use hype and if you buy into what
the mass media promotes as "the way Valentine's day
should be," then you might be setting yourself up for
disappointment after the big day comes and goes.
Remember, it's not about the money you spend or
where you bought that special diamond necklace or
ring. It's about the love that's underneath all of that.

 

9) Don't Forget to Be Present and Be Real

 

If you're like most people, you're usually either
mentally thinking about what you have to do or
are going to do in the future or thinking about
what happened to you in the past. The present
moments fly by without you really participating
in them. To be present and real means to be
fully focusing on what's going on right here and
right now. Great relationships are built on that
idea and whether it's Valentine's day or not, it's
a terrific practice to get into.

 

10) Don't Forget to Think Long-Term Love and Not
Just Short-Term "Wow"

 

Whether it's a dating situation or long-term committed
relationship or marriage, when you are thinking about
a celebration of your love or of your relationship, keep
in mind what would create and help foster continued
long-term love instead of going for the "wow" factor.

 

To know the difference, you have to be in tune with
how you and your partner like to celebrate--and
everyone's different so you have to pay attention
and listen.

 

11) Don't Forget that You're Never too Young or Too
Old for Love

 

Many people have a fixed age in their minds where
love is no longer possible. This age might be 40, 50,
60, or 80. We're here to tell you that love is possible
at any age.

 

The trick to finding or renewing it is to recognize
what ideas and beliefs have held you back or have
sabotaged love in the past and change those habits.

 

Anyone can change and at any age. It just takes a
willingness and desire to do so and to take a chance
on having something wonderful.

 

12) Don't Forget About Nostalgia

 

Anyone want to bring out those old records or tapes
of the music you used to listen to when you first fell
in love?

 

What a special way to celebrate your love and to renew
those feelings at the same time. You might go to a
restaurant or park that you used to go to or do some
activity together that used to make your hearts sing.

 

Even if you are not currently in a relationship, you
can resurrect things that used to be fun for you and
have a mini-celebration of you.

PJ's in bollywood- Humor

PJ's in bollywood

 

Q : What Would Dharmendra Say To Hema Malini If He Wants Her To Call Him Up?
A : RING DE BASANTI
 
Q : A Man Asks For Priyagold Biscuits From Inzamam. Why?
A : Priyagold! 'HAQ' Se Maango
 
Q : Once An Auto Rickshaw Driver Enters Into NO ENTRY.
      The Police Does Not Stops Him. Why?
A : Because He Was Walking
 
Q : Once A Cockroach Was Singing A Song While He Was Walking On The Road...
      But All Of A Sudden He Died. Why?
A : B'coz The Song He Was Singing Was HIT!!!
 
Aishwarya Rai
After a great success of Aishwarya Rai's movie Bride & Prejudice all over the world, Indian government wanted a special postage stamp with her picture on it to recognize her. Government stress that it should be world class. The stamps were released, and Indian Government & Aishwarya Rai both were pleased. But within a couple of days, began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and became furious. Indian Government ordered CBI to investigate the matter. CBI checked out at several post offices, and then reported to the Government Officials that: "The stamp is really world class. The problem is, all the peoples are licking on the wrong side of the stamp."
 
Ajit robert ki story
Ajit: Maikal, woh jo admi ghadi pahne tumhe nazar aarahaa hai, woh hamara mehman hai.
Tum ja kar uske doosre hath mein bhee gadhi pahna do...
phir woh do ghadi ka mehman ho jayega!
 
Ajeet: Maikal, Is saale ke ek haath mein laal aur doosre haath mein hara rang laga do.
Maikal: Lekin kyon baas?
Ajeet: Bewakoof, itnaa bhi nahin jaanta? Jab pulice yehaan aayegi to ise range haathon pakad legi.
he he he...
 
Ajit to robert
ROBERT: America mein WAAR ho gaya boss!!!
AJIT: Us mein kyaa rakhaa hai Bloody Fool!!! India mein roz "WAAR" hota hai..
Bolo kaise???
ROBERT: nahin maaloom Boss!!!
AJIT: Arre ulloo!!! SOMWAAR, MANGALWAAR, BUDHWAAR...
 

 

GO TO BED -A Little Story

romaThis speaks for itself : No wonder you are tired!

 

Mum and Dad were watching TV when Mum said, "I'm tired, and it's getting
late. I think I'll go to bed." She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches
for the next day's lunches. Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of
the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels,
filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started
the coffee pot for brewing the next morning.

 

She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the
washer, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up the game
pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger and put the
telephone book into the drawer. She watered the plants,emptied a wastebasket
and hung up a towel to dry. She yawned and stretched and headed for the
bedroom.

 

Stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash
for the field trip, and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair. She
signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and
wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse.

 

Mum then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her NightSolution &
age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her Teeth and filed her
nails. Dad called out, "I thought you were going to bed."

 

"I'm on my way," she said. She put some water into the dog's dish and put
the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked and the patio light
was on. She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside
lamps and TV's, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper, and
had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework. In her own
room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up
the shoe rack.

 

She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list. She said
her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals. About that
time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular. "I'm
going to bed." And he did...without another thought.

 

Anything extraordinary here? Wonder why women live longer...?

 

'CAUSE WE ARE MADE FOR THE LONG HAUL.... (and we can't die sooner, we still
have things to do!!!!)

 

Send this to five phenomenal women today...they'll love you for it! & any
men who need reminding how phenomenal we women are!

 

Then: GO TO BED!

THE WEDDING NIGHT - Humor

Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they go
back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.


In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his
breakfast.


As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred
and Mary are up yet.


She replies, 'No'.


Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'


His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think!


Just go to school.'


Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Mary up
yet?'


She replies, 'No.'


Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'


His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think!


Eat your lunch and go back to school .'


After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Mary up
yet?'


His mom says, 'No.'


He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'


His mom replies, 'Ok, now tell me what you think?'


He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...




I gave him my Fevicol glue.!!!

Drinking Problem humor

 

 

Sardarji's Mom's Letter

Sardarji's Mom's Letter

 
Dear  banta
Vahe  Guru !


I am in a well here and hoping you are in the same well there. I'm  writing this letter slowly, because I know you  cannot read fast.


We  don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in  the newspaper  that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved  20 miles. 

 
I wont be able to send the address as the last Sardar who  stayed here  took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have  to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able  to bring  our earlier address plate here, so that our address will remain  same too.


This  place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated  right above  the commode. I'm not sure it works. Last week I put in 3  shirts, pulled  the chain and haven't seen them since.


The  weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The  first time  it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.


The  coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little  too heavy  to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off  and put  them in the pocket.


Your  father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting  the grass  at the cemetery.


By  the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is  really badmash.  He told her that two-piece swimming suit is not allowed in  this club.  We were confused as to which piece should we remove?


Your  sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is  a girl  or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or  Uncle.


Your  uncle, Jetinder fell in a nearby well. Some men tried to pull him  out, but  he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he  burned for  three days.


Your  best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill  his father's  last wishes. His father had wished to be buried at sea after  he died.  And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for  his father.   


There  isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has  happened.


P.S:  Beta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized,  I had  already sealed off this letter.

It's Italian boy's confession

This could only happen with a little Italian kid...

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned.  I have been with a loose girl'.


The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation'


Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as
well tell me now.

'Was it Maria Minetti?'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'


'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her..'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My 2 lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?'


'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, Joey
Pagano,
and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an
altar boy for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'


Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and
whispers, 'What'd you get?'

4 months vacation and five good leads!!!

 

3 Computer Repair Tips for Windows Operated Systems

You only had experience with Windows operated computers, so this is what we referring to you. Computer repair specialists were always hard to find, and many times we had to try to figure out a solution to fix a computer which stopped working, because no specialist would come home, and to take a PC to the service company was extremely troublesome.

 

Computer Repair Tip 1: Defragment Often

 

The information on the hard disk is written in chunks called sectors. One application can spread across many such sectors, and if they are not next to each other, the head which reads the information on the hard disk has to make additional movements, thus increasing the reaction time of the computer, resulting in sluggish, slow launch of the respective application.

Computer Repair Tip 2: Clean Up Disk Errors

 

This is easy to do: on My Computer, select the drive you wish to clean up errors on, right-click on it, then select Properties. The first option from the second tab of the menu that opens is Check Disk. It won't run, but you can schedule it to start next time when you'll reboot your computer.

 

Computer Repair Tip 3: Remove Temporary Files

 

This is called the Disk Cleanup and you can find it in the same menu as in Computer Repair Tip no 2. It will free up some space on your hard drive, which is good, but the speed gain won't be noticeable for human senses.

 

The only computer repair tip that worked perfectly each time, and offered me a fast system, at least for a couple of months was to reinstall Windows.

 

 

Rules for Male, Written by Female

1. The Female always makes The Rules.

 

2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

 

3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.

 

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.

 

5. The Female is never wrong.

 

6. If the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong.

 

7. (If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.)

 

8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.

 

9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female.

 

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

 

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female Wants him to be angry or upset.

 

12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

 

13. The Male is expected to mind read at all times.

 

14. The Male who doesn't abide by The Rules, can't take the heat, lacks a backbone, and is a wimp.

 

15. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm.

 

16. At no time can the Male make such comments as "Insignificant" and "Is that all?" when the Female is complaining.

 

17. If the Female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void!